Shadow Syndrome
by CTSael
Summary: The character Shadow from Clyde Arrowny's POV.  one-shot


Clyde carried his physical memories up until he had left Thamasa and his family behind, when he had been forced to change who he was and became something new - a ferocious killing machine.

That was when it had begun to materialize as more than just a fleeting presence. Like a disease, it had fed on him, making him weaker as he lost his identity. It was the sensation that he had experienced, the feeling that something else lived inside of him, that had caused him to have so many nightmares. Over time, it eventually became powerful enough that it finally enforced its control over his consciousness, slamming him into the darkest recesses of his own mind where it had dwelt for so long. So successfully had it taken control, it was able to keep him where he lay trapped. All he could do was watch uselessly through its eyes, see everything that was happening around him that he might never again become a part of. And he also saw things that completely blew his mind, that he certainly would never have experienced even if he had the willpower. Some of it he wished he could take part in: the sheer excitement of adventure, the magic and the companionship. But there was also plenty that he wished had never been etched into his vision, particularly the extremities of violence that he saw - some of it inflicted even by his own hands. Had he the resources, he would have spent much of his waking time being sick. Yes, even without control of his body, he still needed rest. He spent much of his time lying dormant in an oblivious state of traumatization, even when his muscles were springing with much vitality without his consent.

Many times, he had tried to force himself back into the conscious part of his mind, but every single time, it became aware of his intentions and banished him even further into the emptiness. He had become a prisoner inside of his own body. So separated was he from the opportunity to regain control that even at his strongest, he could do nothing. The sights of familiar people or familiar places had spurred him into retrying with double the efforts. Yet he still kept getting knocked back. On occasion, he was able to amplify his emotions enough to confuse or startle it into doing something it didn't particularly want to, only to be stung by its anger and punished severely.

Thus, he continued to weaken and deteriorate. He had already come to the conclusion that he was already dead. After so many years of this type of torture, the less effort he made to fight against it anymore. And it was aware of this unresponsiveness. Gradually, it shoved him more and more into the void, until he had all but reached the point of total nonexistence. Not much longer until the identity that was Clyde Arrowny would disappear forever.

However, a resurgence of hope had filled him after finally witnessing the fall of a demon with god-like status. Careful to conceal his thoughts, he rested patiently as the people had started to go their own separate ways, bidding each other fond, tearful farewells. Much of their emotions were able to reach him despite his frail, distant state, silently encouraging him to break free from his both physical and mental prison. For quite a time he waited, grinning in anticipation as the other part of him slowly began to mellow out. Occasionally, he would feel its curiosity whenever it became aware of him, and he could sense that this attention couldn't possibly bode well. The more he remained inactive and kept his mind blank, it increasingly became more attentive towards him, trying to decipher his hidden thoughts. He knew it was suspicious of him, though he enforced enough willpower to prevent it from forcing its way into his mind.

Soon, he could feel its constant presence on far more than just a daily basis. It was waiting for him to let down his guard, trying now to somehow take control of him from even further within. He knew that it wanted the entirety of him, especially the last part that it had yet to possess. As he continued to keep up his barriers against any type of assaults, he could still feel the lasting connection to its emotions. Restlessness and aggravation were the most commonly sensed. Rarely, he could even grasp the fleeting taste of something similar to his own emotions: fear. Just as he feared the dominating presence, it was finally beginning to partake of the same towards him. Somehow, it could already sense the impending change, although he never allowed it to search inside him for any confirmation.

He was ready to take his life back from this creature and return to the family that he had cared enough for to neglect. Even far back then, he had had the vaguest of hints that it was already manifesting inside of him, a faint beat out of sync with his own pulse. The full symptoms had yet to show at the time, but before that could happen, he had deserted his family in a panic. The last thing he ever wanted was for them to somehow get involved, particularly his vulnerable daughter.

But now… now he was ready to face his literal inner demon. Yet in the same moment… _it_ had faltered. It seemed to have banished its aggression, almost willing to retreat from his body. With only minimal urging, it had fled entirely. The only traces that it had ever plagued him were the foreign clothes that still clung to his frame. Even with it gone, his loyal companion still followed him faithfully, perhaps having known its master was still there the entire time. The instances in which he had felt the symbiont reach out to the canine had apparently only been what he saw them for; that somehow it was reminding itself that this was not its rightful place… and never would be. Although it had taken much from him and not given anything in return, he found the impulse to bid it a silent farewell.

After all this time in which he had been separated from what mattered to him, he had come to appreciate those treasures all the more. That certainly was one of the few things, and perhaps the most significant, that the symbiont had left him with. Yes, even now, his family was still there in Thamasa… awaiting his return.


End file.
